Hey Hey, Wait a minute Mr. Postman

For symbolic reasons, this first letter is handwritten and mailed via United States Postal Service to our Postmaster General, Pat Donahoe. He does not have a public email address and I have to wonder if that is symbolic as well…

Dear Postmaster General Donahoe,

Please excuse my handwriting; it has been years since I actually wrote anything. When was a kid, becoming a mailman was on my short-list of professions to pursue only behind airline pilot and just ahead of car-wash attendant (something about those huge squeegees spoke to me, I can’t explain it). Not only do mailmen get to walk around outside all day but they also get to drive a funny little jeep with the steering wheel on the opposite side! Plus I heard the retirement benefits are great and I guess I was an overly rational 8-year-old.

Nowadays, I hear those benefits aren’t looking so promising. No doubt, $5.6 billion a year in prefund retiree healthcare is a pretty heft amount to swallow. Every fiscal conservative and person-who-waited-15-minutes-to-mail-a-package wants to disband and privatize our postal system. I’d hate to see that happen but I could do without my Saturday junk mail if it will help.

To that end, I’m writing a different person everyday this year, of which you are the first, and the majority will be via e-mail. That is $167.44 ($0.46 X 364 letters ) of missed income for the USPS. Sorry man, please don’t hold it against me personally. Do you despise this newfangled “electronic mail”? It’s totally understandable if you do.

Well I hope things work out for the postal service. It is still on my list of fallback professions if this advertising thing doesn’t work out.


Hayden Bernstein

And I hope you draw inspiration from this song:



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