Dear BIG Ronnie Coleman,

First off, happy new year to you! Do you have any fitness goals for the new year like most Americans?

You probably hate this first month of the year. All those out of shape people full of false ambition, hogging up all the good equipment and totally throwing off the routine. They’re finally going to get  fit, turn over a new leaf, become disciplined and totally shredded. But you know how it goes. Come the second week of February, most of those people fall right back onto to their couches and resume their path to obesity and Type 2 diabetes.  Hey, it’s hard to get in shape. It’s hard to work hard.  It’s hard to stop eating Taco Bell at 2:30am after two blunts and eleven Michelob Ultras (the beer that athletes supposedly drink).

During high school I used to work at Smoothie King. My co-worker buddies and I couldn’t freaking wait to try every supplement in the store in our pursuit of jacked-ness. Lucky, I grew out of that phase and am content being a lanky ginger. Those supplements are pretty darn sketchy, considering they aren’t regulated by the FDA (see the Dietary Supplement Health and Education Act of 1994 here: . It’s not until consumers are harmed by a product that it is removed from stores. That’s like saying, “Hey play with this snake. We’ll know if its poisonous after it bites you.” At least when I get drunk I’m aware of the liver damage taking place.

I know you endorse many of these products. It sure pays better than being a cop in Arlington, that’s for damn sure. Just remember that people, many of them silly high school kids like I once was, use these products and some are doing major damage to their bodies.

Awaiting your reply.


P.S. – This song gets me TURNT in the gym.

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One thought on “GET BIG

  1. Loving these letters Hayden! There’s nothing I hate more than the first few weeks of January at the gym.

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