Monthly Archives: July 2014

@Vice_is_Hip

Dear @Vice_is_Hip,

They say imitation is the the ultimate form of flattery. The Vice_is_Hip Twitter account has 83,000 followers and the real, Twitter certified Vice account has 713,000 followers. So without writing any major content other imitating the teaser headlines that Vice is notorious for, you command 11% as many followers as a major media organization. Your reach basically makes you, according to my math, 11% as influential. I was never good at math.

But I do understand social media influence and your reTweets and Favorites are on par with the real Vice account. That reTweet ripple is what it’s all about. Is there one person behind all the Tweets?

Here are a few of my own Vice_is_Hip Tweet:

“Why Ben Stein got mad at a stripper and slapped her with his money”

“Why we went to Albuquerque and cooked meth in a high school chemistry class”

“Why Rick Perry is so enthralled with these immigrant children”

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Hay Ladies

Dear @PimpClinton,

By most every measure, Bill Clinton was the coolest President to date. The guy was a masterful politician and a deviant. Is that redundant?

No way a  parody Barack Obama account could ever catch on. I love the guy, but he just doesn’t have the swag of Billy Clint. An authentic, stream of conscious George Bush Twitter account would have been a joke in and of itself, so there are no real grounds for a parody spin-off. You chose wisely and your following is proof.

Here is my own PimpClinton Tweet:

“Just hit the strip club or as I like to call it, trickle down my nuts economics”

So here’s to Bill Clinton and his alter-ego that we all secretly hope he really has, Pimp Clinton.

Cheers.

First World Problems

Dear @FirstWorldProblems, 

This tale is wholly inspired by your #FirstWorldProblem Tweets though they do not necessarily my personal attitudes in life.  

I set my iPhone alarm to play my favorite song at 6:30am every weekday and now I hate my favorite song. The opening riff makes me cringe. So I hit snooze half a dozen times. I finally sit up to check my social media accounts and I have zero new notifications on Twitter or Facebook. Ugh, no one thought my Tweet about the Bachelor was funny enough to reTweet.

I’m ten minutes behind schedule when I turn on my shower that takes five minutes to get warm. I can’t decide which of my three shampoos to use. I settle on ‘daily moisture’ because it seems like a safest option.  But did I condition yesterday? You don’t want to over condition.

I make a cup of coffee and get in the car to go to work. After 15 minutes of the usual traffic my coffee is still too hot to drink. Now I’m twenty minutes late. Traffic’s not an excuse when it happens every day.

A full inbox of emails waits for me at my desk and I “get to work”. My chair isn’t ergonomic so I get a stiff back and the office is too cold. I enviously look out the window at the landscaping crew and who get to work outside in sunshine. Except its so hot out there. By the end of the day my eyes burn from starting at my computer screen and I’m exhausted although I hardly moved all day. I hate my job because I don’t do anything but I can’t quit because I get paid to do nothing.

There are so many restaurants on my way home that I can’t decide what to eat for dinner. I just go home and grill a steak for the third day in a row. I’m getting really tired of steak. After dinner my internet is running too slow to watch the new season of House of Cards on Netflix so I have to watch regular TV. Some documentary about genocide in Africa is on. Wow those people have real problems. They don’t even have iPhones to map their evacuation. That bums me out so I go to bed.

6:30am: God I hate that song.

 

Kierkegaard X Kardashian

This week’s theme: Parody Twitter accounts

Dear @KimKierkegaard

You can’t have a discussion on existentialism without talking about Søren Kierkegaard. On a similar note, few people define pop-culture and its frivolity more so than Kim Kardashian (West). Mash-up the two and you get totally droll and satisfying brand of comedy.

Not only did you have the foresight to juxtapose the pop and philosophical worlds, you perfectly match Kierkegaard’s anxious tone with Kim’s dross. Obviously you can’t possibly keep up with Kim Tweet for Tweet (she has over 17K) so you have to pick your spots. And honestly, you pretty much never miss. It really makes me wonder if Kim Kardashian has ever had a existential thought in her life.

So here is my attempt at a @KimKierkegaard Tweet:

I jokingly said pregnant woman should hide/stay in if they looked like I did lol. What is existence for but to be laughed at?

Bugs: It’s what’s for Dinner

Dear New Millenial Farms,

Today I took a bite of Ginger Cricket Cookies made with your Cricket Flour. Then I had another bite. They were tasty.

I went into it knowing the cookie was made with a cricket based flour. If I hadn’t been told there’s no way I would have known the difference.  But mentally it was still a challenge to get past the fact that I was eating mostly bugs. I know, I know, they are a great source of sustainable protein. I just can’t get the image of a giant box of crickets (like at the pet store) out of my mind.

So here’s what I suggest: Do a Pepsi challenge scenario. Back the same cookie recipie with cricket flour and regular flour. On camera, have people taste both cookies without them knowing one is made from crickets and ask them which was their favorite. If they say the cricket cookie was better (or that they both tasted the same) I’m sure their reaction will be YouTube gold! You might even get some people to barf and make it onto Tosh.O.

But my guess is that after the initial shock, most people would think it’s pretty cool. Have you ever heard the San Francisco food truck Don Bugito?  They service “Prehispanic” food which basically means bugs.

Thanks

PS: To take the Pepsi challenge scenario a step further, blindfold the participant and have them eat the spicy wax worms. I might even freak out after eating those. Yikes.

RESPONSE:

Hi Hayden,

Thank you for the email and your support and interest.

We will think about your suggestion, sounds like fun!

Be well.

Jarrod

Peaches For Me

 

Dear J.T. Lemley,

Summertime in Texas means peaches and watermelon. Biting into a ripe summer peach or a cold slice of watermelon can almost make you forget that it’s 100 degrees outside, if only for a moment.

When I see a roadside fruit stand in the summer, I pretty much have to stop (it’s in my blood quite literally). But when I’m not on a road trip and I get that itch all I have to do is drive down to the Dallas Farmers Market and find your booth.

You are a cornerstone at the market; an authentic local farmer who sells what they grow. Most people don’t realize that a majority of the vendors aren’t real farmers but resellers. That’s not to knock their role at the market, I’d still much rather give them my money for produce than say Tom Thumb (but obviously mangoes and coconuts are not “local”).

I was skeptical of the Farmer’s Market redevelopment plans when I first wrote about the changes happening last summer. Now I’m feeling confident that the developers are actively working to make it work for everyone though time will tell.

Good luck with the rest of the growing season and see you soon!

PS: This song is usually going through my head when I buy your peaches:

Skrimp

New indoor shrimp farming methods could make shrimp the next chicken. 

Dear Addison Lawrence

I like shrimp.

I like shrimp cocktail. I like shrimp bisque. I like shrimp Po-boys, sushi, and gumbo.

….Ok I’m sure you get the reference there, I just couldn’t resist.

I had never considered that before chicken farming was industrialized in the 1960’s, chicken was actually more expensive than beef (but I guess meat was a luxury no matter what animal was on the dinner plate).  Now we enjoy healthy, lean chicken meat at every level of society. For the same reasons, it’s exciting to hear that shrimp farming is on the way to becoming such a viable and sustainable source of protein.

I can see it now. McDonalds will be selling Shrimp McNuggets. Jack In The Box will sell shrimp tacos. Gas stations will sell frozen surf-and-turf burritos. Shrimp could even make its way into pet food (not just Fancy Feast). The possibilities are endless.

Next step: bring Lobster to the masses? Boy I  hope so.

PS: …. Shrimp salad, deep fried shrimp, shrimp creole,

Conscious Capitalism

Dear John Mackey,

I saw you speak about your book Conscious Capitalism at Good People in Austin a few years back. You were nice enough to even sign a copy for me. If Whole Foods is a leading example for conscious capitalism, would the opposite end of the spectrum (unconscious capitalism?) be Wal-Mart?

Wal-Mart and Whole Foods make a great analogy for American society.

For many millions of Americans, their only grocery store is Wal-Mart. Maybe there used to be a local grocery store but they just couldn’t compete so now that’s the only option. Maybe it’s the only place they can afford to shop.

For fewer millions of Americans, their first option for grocery shopping is Whole Foods. They have plenty of choices of course but they choose to shop at Whole Foods because it makes them feel nice. That they are doing their little part to help and are healthier for it.

There are well known stigmas and connotations associated with both stores but it seems to be a two sides of the same coin. Which side is up and which is down? Is one side making a bigger difference in people’s lives? Who gets to flip the coin?

PodPonics

Cool Food Projects Week

Dear Matt Liotta,

Between shipping containers, wooden pallets, and duct tape I’m pretty sure you can build just about anything. Heck, I bet we could put a man on the moon with that stuff if we put Elon Musk, Bill Gates, and this guy on the job.

At PodPonics, you take a shipping container and hydroponically grow an acres worth of food in it . You’ve use an object once made for transportation to prevent transportation, specifically the shipment of leafy greens which are mostly grown in California. Gas prices are only going up and California is facing the most serious drought in memory. The concept saves water and fuel, the two most precious commodity on the planet (other than the children of course). It’s time for PodPonics the blow up!

My main question is: how much energy, from seed to dinner salad does the process consume? I see that ya’ll use fluorescent bulbs but you also need to temperature regulate and aerate these steel boxes. Judging my by electric bill last month keeping these containers the right temperature is your highest fixed cost.

So at the end of the day, how much energy is saved compared to a head of Romaine Lettuce from grown and shipped from the San Joaquin Valley?

Food is Free

This week’s theme: Food Projects!

Dear Food is Free,

There is a saying that I’ve never liked much:  “There’s no such thing as a free lunch.”

The sentiment behind this catch-all  saying makes the concept of free sound like something to be wary of. To not trust anything that claims to be free because whoever is “giving” it out will expect something back. That altruism is a myth or at best an antiquated ideal. So a project like Food is Free seems too good to be true at first glance. What’s the catch, right?

Healthy and essentially free food should not be such a novel concept. It is a human right to have access to healthy food, not a privilege. We as a society have completely detached ourselves from where our food comes from. So as you say, why can’t it come from next door?

I live in a neighborhood surrounded by fast-food options. Your choices for a meal within walking distance range from the gas station to Burger King. I also live next door to a boarded up house with an overgrown back and front yard. I’ve thought a lot about turning it into some sort of garden but dirt is really expensive. That’s what IndieGoGo is for I guess. Ballpark estimate, how much does it take to turn a decent sized front yard into a garden?

We need projects like Food is Free here in Dallas. Maybe if I get this off this project off the ground it will be the start of a Dallas chapter.

PS: John, you’re a boss:

RESPONSE: 

Love it Hayden!

We’d love to offer any advice we can but the first steps would be to see what you can get for free. Call some local tree trimmers and ask them to dump a load of mulch in the front yard of the abandoned house next time they’re in the neighborhood. Mention its for a community garden but usually they are looking for places to dump it. You can also call some local farms or nurseries and ask if they have any spare seedlings they can’t sell or plant and would like to donate them. Feel free to use the name Food is Free, its open source. If you mulch the whole front yard it will help keep the weeds down. First put down a good layer of cardboard across the grass to hold it back. You can get free cardboard boxes from many stores. Also consider starting to compost to generate soil and you could even set up a community compost pile on the overgrown lot so neighbors can compost together and put that free soil to use.

Check out our videos on wicking bed gardens. It may be a good first step. Also watch some YouTube videos on hugelkulture gardens, they’re super drought tolerant. Consider hosting a potluck or cookout for neighbors and you may well have some others to help and they may have tools or ready compost to offer up.

Stay in touch and go for it!

Best, John

PS: Okra is a great summer crop and gets really tall and impressive. You can plant it through July.