PICK ME! PICK ME!

jeff-bezos-e1492095334314-1

Dear Jeff Bezos,

With one wave of your magic wand (or Fire Stick), $5 billion will descend from the sky like an Amazon delivery drone into the city of your choosing. How is the proposal review coming along? If I may, I’d like to add some perspective to Dallas’ proposal as a (nearly) life-long resident.

The prospect of Amazon’s 2nd headquarters landing in Dallas has a lot of people excited here. In our very Dallas way, we can’t fathom why you would choose anywhere else. We boast a friendly business climate, half-decent weather, a multitude of shopping and eating destinations, plenty of eligible real estate, and…. did I mention a friendly business climate? Here in Dallas, we pretty much sell zoning laws and TIF districts to the highest bidder. I’m guessing the Mayor put that in writing somewhere in our proposal. Our proposal might have been titled: Dallas — Name Your Price. We like BIG deals in Big D and your’s would be the biggest yet. We so desperately want to be considered a “world-class city” that we will do whatever it takes to land Amazon “HQ2.” And then, maybe, we can finally move past the Kennedy assassination.

Seattle complains that Amazon’s presence is leading to the destruction of everything unique about their city. They fear losing that quiet coffee shop, Pacific Northwest way of life– the culture that probably attracted you there in the first place. See, here in Dallas, we don’t have much identity to sacrifice! Molding our way of life to fit the needs of corporations is what we do here– that is our identity. Just ask AT&T, Ross Perot, Harlan Crow, or Jerry Jones.

Here are some other reasons to pick Dallas for Amazon HQ2:

  • Your shiny new toy Whole Foods is just down I-35.

  • You can wear a cowboy hat to cover your bald head and no one will look at you funny.

  • You will be the richest person in the city and state (DAMN YOU BILL GATES!).

  • You be credited with solving all of our city’s problems.

  • You will increase my property value over night.

If you need a tour guide to show you around, I am available most weekends. Lodging is also available in Oak Cliff’s finest Garden Casita. I’ll make you a GREAT deal. 😉

Hope to hear back soon!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: